Every song ends...is that any reason not to enjoy the music?

"it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."--Tennyson

This quote has gotten me to thinking lately.  people come and go from our lives.  its a part of growing up.  me having people all over the country [and even the world] has made me realize this even more.  just because people move away from you or you move away from them, does that mean that you should close yourself off while they are in front of you?  i feel myself doing that a lot of times.  i feel myself letting someone get close to me, find out who i really am...then i have this HUGE desire to shut them off.  I guess its because i think that if i don't let them in, that i wont get hurt...well, the problem with that is.  what kind of life am i going to live if i don't have people in it?  i know that God gives each of us gifts to touch other people's lives in some way.  we each have our own abilities.  if i shut myself off, not only will people not get a piece of my gift, but i wont get any of theirs either.  its not fair to either of us.  so, not only will i deny myself something in this life, but i may deny someone else theirs.  just a few thoughts.  

what is true love?

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died,
the day that true love died

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died,
the day that true love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died,
the day that true love died

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died,
the day that true love died

Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died,
the day that true love died

Come close listen to the story

I WALKED INTO XA TONIGHT LATE AFTER WORK AND THEY PLAYED THIS SONG....I NEVER LISTENED TO THE WORDS OF IT...IT CHANGED MY HEART.

back to the heart of worship...

I was walking back from one of my classes this morning and this song was playing on my IPOD. In Spanish, which I personally think is better than the English version, but it was making my heart almost leap out of my chest! I have recently found a new love for my Creator and this song just makes me want to do cartwheels! Read these words and let them ring through your heart, maybe it will have as much of an impact as it did on mine!

Hillsong United - The Stand

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

movin' on

sometimes i feel as if satan is sitting right next to me telling me things. for some reason, at this point in my life his voice seems louder than God's. i know that my relationship hasnt been what it should be, but is it that bad?

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame,trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

lost and found

ever been looking for something so hard and no knowing why you cant find it? maybe its that you're searching a little too hard. its like when you lose your keys and then you stop, think about where you saw them last, then go looking again, that’s when you normally find them. [or you just wait and you randomly find them in the freezer one day]. that’s the way it is with life sometimes. you search for something so hard, and you get aggravated that you cant find what you're looking for, when...all this time, all you had to do was sit back and wait, not look for it any longer...then you find it. weird huh? just a though. i was thinking about that today-wanted to share it

"life isnt about the breaths we take, but about the moments that take our breath away"

isnt it crazy how someone can walk into a room, and take your breath away?

side note: i am so grateful for the people that God has placed in my life here. I was thinking about that most of the day today. Some people have come and gone from my life since Ive lived here, but others have stuck it out. ALthough I may feel like Im a burden to them, I know that they love me no matter what. No matter how much I have to ask of them, or how annoyed they may get with me. They are people who will stick with me through anything. Friends for a lifetime. Some of them I would consider as close as family. I knew God would help me with this, its something that I struggled with the first few months I was here. Im glad I finally realized that I am blessed...all you have to do is look around and find those blessings.

side note #2: I know this is from a dumb movie, but its something else that kinda spoke to me...weird have things can speak to you...even though, lets say....southpark =D

MOVIE: EVAN ALMIGHTY...Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

If you pray to draw closer to God, does He sit right next to you?--HE ALREADY IS! but, He more importantly gives you the chance to get closer to Him

we're going back to the future!!!......

Have you ever had a dream that you didn’t want to wake up from? Maybe one where you wanted to see what happened next? well, this is the first time this has happened to me [at least that I know of or that mattered in my life]. i had a dream that things were the way they used to be. a couple of years ago, i screwed up. the biggest screw up that i will possibly ever make. i know, i still make them, but this one very well could have the most impact on my life than any other one ever will. Welp, in my dream, things were the way they used to be. before anything bad happened and i got to fix what had happened, to right a wrong. it was amazing. it only lasted for a few minutes, but i could feel my face smile in my sleep [as goofy as i know i looked] and--anyways, it was weirdly awesome.

the thing is though, i have walked away with a very important lesson over the last few years. see, that mistake that i made, came at a cost. i went thought such a heartbreak, so many tears, so many months of depression. now I’m changed because of it. i think about this a lot, especially when the dark man himself tries to come after me. he knows this is one of my biggest weaknesses. you see, I’m so changed because of this event, that now i wonder....what would my life be like if i went back in time and then fixed it, then came back? have you ever seen back to the future 2 where they *surprise* go to the future but Biff steals the time machine and goes to the past, and it alters the entire world?!?! [p.s. i love that movie] and i think that is exactly how my life would be like if i went from now to the past, fixed things....then came back. my life would be in chaos.

so, as hard as it may seem. and as stupid as i feel for wishing this, I’m grateful that I’m here and for what I’ve brought from it. the battle is no way near over! but everyday, i know that I’m in the potters hands....he can fix my head when it gets broken off. =]

Grief is proportional to intimacy

This phrase, given to me by a "beautiful" man of god (his wife would understand and agree with that) has been ringing through my spirit lately. And its popping up everywhere! I was talking with my hairdresser yesterday-yes, ppl really do that-what else do you have to do while you sit there for an hour? And we were talking about relationships and how even with dating/friendships-whatever, how you carry something with you from each one of them. I've been dealing with that a lot lately. How much people affect you. It can be either good or bad. I've never been one against dating. I've done my fair share of it. Some have been healthy, others have definitely not been. From each of those I have walked away with something. Something either good or bad. I've realized that with the help of each of them I have discovered what I am looking for in my future. I have a list. My "husband list". As crazy as it is, its things that I look at with any guy I find myself interested in. Some guys I know as soon as I start a conversation and others I discover later. Call me too picky but by this point I know what I'm looking for and I'm just waiting for God to bring him across my path. The same goes with friendships. I've had my fair share of those too. The thing is, with those, they seem to hold me back rather than move me forward. See, if you have someone who is your best friend, you are with them till the end...and once that end comes, you walk out more broken and scarred than before. I guess that's the difference. You want to hold ppl at arms length and not let anyone in. You try to cover your pain with jokes and sarcasm because you know that if you don’t, people will see your brokenness and once they have seen that part of you, you have failed and let yet another person in. why is it that you get attached to the one person you cant have? Man, I wish that was different. I wish that wasn’t the case, but I don’t think that will change….I kinda hope it doesn’t.

Smile- lonestar
I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so

So I'm gonna smile
'Cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me I'm gonna smile

Superchick / Wishes

The saddest thing is you could be anything, that you could want.
We could've been everything, but now we're not.
Now it's not anything at all.
The hardest part was getting this close to you
And giving up this dream I built with you.
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.
You've got some growing up to do.

*CHORUS*
I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

After all the things you put me through,
Tell me why I'm still in love with you.
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart; I'm taking it back from you.
And taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do.

*CHORUS*
It's time I say my last goodbye.
Goodbye, Goodbye,
It's time I say my last goodbye.

I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and
Just say my last goodbye

Its time I said my last goodbye.
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.
Its time I said my last goodbye.
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.

My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Emotion : a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body


We as humans have tons of emotions. Good emotions, bad emotions, mixed emotions. We are designed to have feelings--good or bad….painful or joyful. What if we put these emotions that we have into God? The effort and emotions that we put into getting the guy of our dreams, or restoring the broken friendship that we care about so much. Seeing someone that you love-whether it be friend or a secret admirer--and having them take your breathe away. What if we got that way about God each time we had an encounter with Him? Just a passing by, just as we do with people in our lives. I saw a friend todayfrom across the parking lot, they barely made any acknowledgement of me, but even then, my heart leaped. Maybe just for a second, but it happened. That person probably never realized how I felt, but why is it that I can have a moment like that about someone who doesn’t even want to speak to me, but I cant feel that way about my Lord and Savior who died for me? Or why do I feel the way about the guy who probably never thinks about me unless we run into one another yet I have my Prince with me all the time, and I don’t feel that way about Him 90% of the time. Why are we like this? I want to have such a strong emotion for my King, my Savior, my Friend, my Lover….that my heart constantly pitter patters when I think of Him.

You're my strength when stregth is gone

You're my hope when suffering's long

but most of all, when i cant find peace,

You're there for me.

You're my everything.

All I am God is Your's

You don’t know what you got til its gone

I was blessed to be able to come down for a short visit with my family the last couple of days. It breaks my heart each time I have to drive away from this place-whether I show it or not. I love my family. They’ve grown a lot closer to me as I have entered into adulthood and moved away from home.

I have become closer to my father and more comfortable around him than ever before. Doug [my brother] and I have finally became the siblings I had always hoped for. There’s always room for improvement, but 10 years ago, I NEVER would have thought we’d be here. No yelling, [well, no need to lie-MOST of the time no yelling], no fighting, and I can actually get a hug or an “I love you” out of him on rare occasions. But I LOVE those rare occasions because they are becoming less rare as time goes on. And that makes my heart smile.

My mom and I have a relationship that I never could have imagined. She’s honestly my best friend in the world. There with me through thick and thin, and always willing to lend an ear or give a big hug. If you know my mom at all, you know straight off the bat how soft-spoken and sweet she is. [she’s basically the exact opposite of my dad and I--LOL]. She’ll give anything to the people that she loves and NEVER EVER EVER ask anything in return. I could give her the world and it wouldn’t be close to all the things that I owe her which she never asks anything back from. She “loans” me money [knowing she’ll never get it back], she cries everyday because I’m driving a moped in the rain-something I don’t have that big of a problem with, but my mom cant do anything but cry knowing that her baby girl is riding around in the rain. She gives and gives and gives. Her children and her grandchildren she would rope the moon for and catch every star in the sky for. She would give the clothes off her back, the food off her plate, and every last cent she has in her wallet.

Being away from my mom and becoming an adult has made me realize that I want to be just like her. I think about it every now and then. But tonight, as my mom had tears streaming down her face talking about how she cried every day because I haven’t had a stinkin car the last few months. Something, I was doing without and although I wasn’t always happy about it [who really ever is?], I was making it and I had learned to deal with it at least until the time was right. My mom brings me to Alabama just so she can do everything in her power to get me a car….I’m telling ya. You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone. I never would have imagined this 10 years ago, and I could never ever ever ask for anything better.

pictures

Im kinda proud of my pictures.....no way around it. =]

my apartment

HOUSTON

how do you win back the heart of someone who has broken yours?

isnt it funny in life how you cant seem to let some things go. the guy you've had a crush on for a while, your favorite pair of old tennis shoes, or even an old friend. we are all creatures of habit. people who long to be loved, and how cherish the things that are close to our hearts.....yeah, even tennis shoes.

to forvive : to cease to feel resentment against

"i forgive you".....but do they really? does forgiveness mean to forgive and forget or "ill just say it to make you and myself feel better". according to webster, it means to not feel resentment against and resentment means a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. now that being said, if someone tells you they forgive you, but you still feel in your heart of hearts that they dont want to be around you or that they hold harsh feelings towards you, does that mean that they have truly forgiven you? i mean, Jesus said it best when he said "Forgive others just as I have forgiven you".....that to me, if the true definition of forgiveness. If I do a dishonor to Jesus or I hurt His feelings, or i screw up our friendship, and He forgives me, does that mean He still in His heart of hearts holds a grudge towards me? NOT AT ALL!! now, i know we are mere humans and in no way could i be as forgiving as Jesus, but shouldnt that be what we strive for every day? What else is our purpose? I want to be like my Maker. And although i know i fail miserably each and every day, I should still press on, and try to forgive others. Not simply be content where Im at in holding my grudge and having my "healing time"....but to do my best and try to be like He would want me to be. to try and forgive others just as He forgives me.....just as He forgives every person. even the men who hung Him on the cross.

whew! what a month!

I was reminded today that God is faithful. That His promises are yes and amen, and that He does give us the desires of our hearts. There have been some things recently in my life that I have made way too big of a deal about… mundane things that with eternal eyes don't have a lot of significance. Then there are things that I have been focusing on, that do have a lot of eternal value but I have realized that those things need to be handed over. How am I expected to do all of this alone? I'm not. My God is still in control, He's got the whole world in His hands, and He loves me more than I could ever imagine or comprehend. Even though it’s not easy- I need to remember. My God is an awesome God. What else do I need in this world? So what if a friendship doesn't work out or if I don't get the guy I've had my eyes on, or if I don't get the car I've been wanting. What if? People have gone through life with a lot less than I have and they are some of the happiest people in the world. As long as I love my Creator and put my trust in Him, life may smack me right in the face, but at least knowing that He's got my back, that'll take away the sting a bit.

As I held baby Ava Lynn Stewart [a.k.a. Dora the Explorer Stewart], I realized that life really is beautiful, God has the whole world in His hands, and Jesus does love the little children of the world [heck, why else would He have made such a little miracle that we can hold in the palm of our hands?].

this has spoken to an entire new level to me this weekend...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.~anonymous~

east to west-casting crowns

if you havent heard this song it is A-MAZ-ING! its my new favorite song!

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning, in

Your sea of forgetfulness

The chains of yesterday surround me,

I yearn for peace and rest I don’t want to end up where You found me

And it echoes in my mind

Keeps me awake tonight

I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West

And I stand before

You now as though I’ve never sinned

But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away

From You leaving me this way

Chorus:

Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west

‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been

Rising up in me again In the arms of Your mercy I find rest

‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west

From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins

Endless reminding of my sin

And time and time again

Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in

Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from

You leaving me this way

[chorus]

I know You’ve washed me white

Turn my darkness into life I need

Your peace to get me through

To get me through this night

I can’t live by what I feel

About the truth Your word reveals

I’m not holding on to You But

You’re holding on to me

You’re holding on to me

[chorus]

the cold months of winter

I find myself often times going through a winter. I mean a harsh, eskimo style, teeth chattering, icescicles dripping off your nose winter. I know we all feel like our valleys are far more worse than anyone else in this world could ever imagine. And I know mine isn't. I don't have a right to complain. But I am going through a rough spell. By far not the worst I've ever gone through- prob not even the top 5 but anyways, needed to vent. I don't feel like I have someone to sit in front of me and just let me blab so my blog gets to hear it. Sorry blog.

Refuse to be average. Let your heart soar as high as it will. -A.W. Tozer

I found an old journal that I’ve been looking for while I was at my parents this weekend. I’m glad I found it. It keeps me in sync with the things that God has brought me through. It also reminds me of how much more I still have to go. As I was writing the things in this journal, I was wondering if God would every get me through that time in my life. I was also wondering why He took me through it in the first place as well as why He made me hurt so much because of it. Looking back, I realized a lot. Now I can better understand why God did the things He did and even the way He did them. It was a rough time in my life, and it seems that it lasted forever, but God is indead who He says He is and His promises are YES and AMEN. Maybe someone out there will get something out of it that is half of what I got out of the words that I found in this raged, highlighted, book.

-its just when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us. it’s the very sign of His presence.

-you must lay yourself on the alter before you can become a living sacrifice.-Tim Newby

-never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

-remember the days blessings, toss the rest to the wind.-Christina Mendoza

-You must be broken before you can have a breakthrough-Tim Newby

-God only promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

-God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.-John Piper

-If God asks you to lay something down, something that is not a sin, merely a sacrifice, and you do not obey…you will not be able to receive the very best that God has for you.-Vanessa Snyder

-Bad things are gonna happen in your life, I mean things that will knock your world completely off its axis, but don’t forget about the One who put that world in place in the first place.-Johnny Mendoza

-God may not lead you on the short route, but He will lead us on the best route.-Tim Newby-2.20.05

-God takes the rain and makes a rainbow.

Friendship is about loving rather than being loved.

Contentment comes not from having more, but desiring less.

Our fulfillement in this life depends not on our skills to avoid life’s problems but on our ability to apply God’s specific solutions to those problems.

-When there is nothing left but God, that is when you realize God is all you need.

-Christians are not loved because they are loveable but they are loveable because they are loved.

Friends are flowers in the garden of life.

If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude but a load will only feed a small lad.-Ruth Stull

Should you for some reason choose not to give God what He desires, you’ll worship anyway, simply exchanging the creator for something He created.-Louie Giglio

Prayer is what we do to get us in line with what God is doing.

Whatever you worship, you imiate, whatever you imitate, you become.-Louie Giglio

You were blinded by diamonds and you missed a pearl.

A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to turn

Remember, people judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heard of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.-Anon

Every day is a blessing. Every moment has a purpose.-christina Mendoza

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.-henry ford

don’t dwell on reality. It will only keep you from greatness.-Rev Randall R. McBride, Jr

There’s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

God cant flow through you if you are clogged with garbage

don’t just sit on the verge of victory

To find a treasure, you can just look for it cuz you wont find it--you’ve got to seek for it. You will have to dig deep and get dirty-get a shovel!-Tim Newby

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars

If Christ learned obedience and was perfected through suffering, how can we expect anything less?-Vanessa snyder

If we are walking close to God, the bad things may burden us in this world but will NOT overwhelm us!-Ginger Mendoza

God will only require from us what He has placed in us.

The secret to contentment is how to enjoy what you have.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared to what lies within us.-Ralf Waldo Emerson

Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.-Alexander Hamilton

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.-Elbert Hubbard

I want to make my life so that people don’t look at it but they look to it.-me 5-4-05

don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game-Cinderella story

What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger

If you lead but no one follows, you are merely going for a walk.-john Maxwell

The only way to have a friend is to be a friend.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Train yourself to let go of all you fear to lose.-Yoda

things i have learned

~being a transfer student is hard....moving into a school where people are already settled and know where to go, and know the area, and know people, and just know stuff. its hard. being almost 25 years old [good Lord, how dare I say it?] and just really starting school, thats even harder. I feel old lately. And I dont like it!



~rejoining the secular workforce after being out of it for almost a year is a task. after going from being surrounded by people who uplift you on most occasions to people who are mainly in this world for themselves or to have a good time, its a huge change. and not always a fun one.



~you should live at your place of residence for at least two years. dont move around. it does no good for anyone. especially you. keep your same job. it will be beneficial. i am currently trying to get a car and my stupid job history and residence history is KILLING MY CHANCES!!



Thats about all the lessons I am up for sharing for now--there are more things this world has shown me but I'll wait and share those later. Catie, Allison, and I moved into our new apartment this week. Its AMAZING to have my own room again. A huge shout out goes to Mandi who was so generous as to share her domain with me for 2 months. That's friendship right there. But now I LOVE the fact that I dont have enough stuff to fill up my room!!

Anyways, there--thats really all for now. I dont think anyone reads this anyways....its ok though.

p.s. please pray that i find a car soon. I have a few options. I just need something to happen. God's really testing my patience right now. Trust me, it needs to be tested--its HORRIBLE!!

the definition of a century

My great grandmother is 100 years old today. Wow how the years fly by. I’m sure they have for her. 1907 was a long time ago. Big Maw has been though a lot in her life. From raising 10 children through the depression, to her husband dying 18 or so years ago and her living her life by herself until now. She's been through a lot. And the funny thing is, she's still going. About three years ago, she was placed in an assisted living home and they were so worried about her "escaping" that they put a tracking device on her ankle. Isn’t that crazy?

She is losing her mind, though. I haven’t seen her in like a year and a half. It’s sad to say that things get so pitiful that you can hardly go and look at her in this condition. I know that people in our family still goes to visit her even though she doesn’t know who they are most times and even though she says strange things and doesn’t really realize where she even is.

Nonetheless, my family is having a birthday party for her this Saturday. 100 years is really something to be celebrated. No matter how much longer she has left, she's lived a great life. And I know that I'm not giving up on her yet. She's a huge inspiration and roll model to me. I hope I can live half the life that she has.

the way things are

I often wonder why things are the way things are. Why is it that God doesnt give us the things we ask for. Reasonable things. Why he cant share with us His reasons. Ok, bad example. I know why He does that. Why is it that dealing with people is so hard? The fact that people think differently, and its sometimes hard to guess what they are thinking. This blog didnt really turn out like I had wanted it to. Why is it that I cant even write what I have in my head?

It still to this day amazes me that 13 weeks ago, I was living in Guadalajara, Mexico throwing darts at a map of the United States attempting to figure out where I was going to live as of May. Then, out of the sky [literally since they arrived on a plane...jeje], comes Sam Houston State University Chi Alpha Guadalajara missions team 2007....how ironic. Words can never express the feelings I have towards this team. The fact that they answered every prayer I had at that moment, I am 110% possitive that God sent them to Mexico.

Here are a few pictures recently .... random stuff in the life of me

happy birthday Saritta!

i think this picture is really cool

la perrita!

emo

i heart huntsville, texas!

living the life

welcome to Texas!

So, Ive been here for 7 days today. It still doesn't feel like home yet, but I love it. Soon things will start to settle in and I will feel more like home. So far, I've gotten a job [with Cingular of course, who else?], almost gotten a second job, and have almost gotten a new car. Yeah, Im selling the bocho. After all the work and everything that goes into it, sometimes I just wonder if its worth it or not. Im living the college life of sleeping in late and doing not much of anything else. I guess I should enjoy my days that I can sleep in, because in a few weeks, those will be no more! Im sure excited, though. Soon I will posting new pictures of everything so get ready! Hope everyone is doing well! Love to all.
me and SAM himself! =]

home sweet home

well, I made it. Huntsville, Texas is officially my new home. It still feels a bit weird being here. As if Im only here visiting again. I guess it will click in a few days or weeks or something. I kinda feel like a nomad...especially when people say, "you are moving again!?!?" yes, I am. Hopefully for the last time. I mean, who knows, I may get here, get settled, fall in love with this place even more than I already have [if thats possible], and settle down here. Maybe even my prince will come. =] Thats my high hope anyways.

So, I went for a job interview on Friday. I wasnt planning to get interviewed but I did and I was happy about that. It was at Cingular. The manager seemed to like me, and so I am going back for a second interview with the area manager. I think it will go well. Hopefully so at least. It will be weird working again. I was so used to it, but taking almost a year off and not working, makes things really weird.

Im kinda bored already. I mean, Im sure there is something I could do and if I look hard enough, I will find it. I guess I still just have the "newness" of this place on me and I dont really want to just sit still, but what will I do?

that's all for now...

p.s. I had a really good breakfast! =]

as promised...

well, i am a creature of habit and i wanted to post some pictures from my night...good family time. but these pictures take F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to load. seriously. dooood....i may die here! this thing is slower than pond water.

i wanna watch a movie...or something....but i think instead i will see if i can get my brother to do a little work on my car....hrmmm.. =]

or..... Blades of Glory anyone?

side note: i need to get my nails done....hrm....maybe soon...like before the 20th =]

=[

I havent taken a single picture since I've been home. weird. maybe I should do that today....

~some oldies but some goodies~

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help. Dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song. I love you because you have done more than you creed could have done to make me good, and more than my fate could have done to make me happy you have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all. ~Roy Croft~

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”-Winnie the Pooh

your friend
If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you and share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue. If I could build a mountain You could call your very own A place to find serenity A place to be alone If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea But all these things I'm finding are impossible for me. I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair But let me be what I know bestA friend who's always there.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you

sweet home alabama

i realized a few things since yesterday...

--traveling back and forth in and out of the country, is NOT good on your body. period
--alabama gives me allergies. bad ones. ones that make me want to sqeeze my head in a blender
--i have really amazing friends who will meet me at the airport only for 45 minutes, just to take my suitcases and say hi
--feliz cinco de mayo
--i have amazing nephews who i love a LOT [they are just adorable and always make me smile]
--baby bunnies are really cute [well, at least once they grow out of the "they look like rats" phase]
--i love my new bocho
--i miss mexico already. sad actually, i didnt think i would miss it this much. i mean, i knew i would miss the people there, my fellow gringos, but not mexico in general.
--living in the boonies isnt cool. no cell phone service, dial-up internet...oh well, at least i have amazing COB's to keep my company!
--i want a MAC more than ever! seriously!
--i need a job...or i guess more like a few jobs...any ideas?
--butler does have mexicans, and they do celebrate cinco de mayo, and there is an ATLAS jersey in the mexican resteraunt in town. that has to mean something, right?
--what am i going to do here for the next 3 weeks? [well, technically, i guess i only have 14 days now til i will get busy] =]
--it makes me smile that in 14 days, i will be busy....MOVING TO HUNTSVILLE, TEXAS!
--im addicted to LOST, and well, te-vo in general.
--is that how you even spell te-vo? im sure its not
--i found my wedding song...but i cant tell you what it is! [come to my wedding and you can find out] =]
--my middle name is dawn...and no, that isnt a recent discovery of myself. thats just a secret that ppl havent known about...so, there--happy?

anyways, there are a few things that have been going through my head the last few days. ENJOY!

two days and counting down

time here has been winding down...i will miss guadalajara. i will miss everything here. i will miss seeing these faces day in and day out. i will miss a lot of things here.

sorry i keep jumping back and forth between blog sites. im trying to decide which page i like and since i dont really expect anyone to read these, does it really matter?

ive been thinking a lot about love. like, the word. how many times a day do we use the word LOVE? i thought of this the other day when i was with one of my mexican friends and i was listening to him talk about something passionately, and he never used that word. he used a lot of other descriptive words, but never that one. i just sat back and thought of how we say "man, i love that shirt" or "i love that color" or "i love you"....we just overuse it so much each and every day. stop and think next time, do you really LOVE that object you are speaking of, or is it just an over used word that you throw in there cuz it sounds good?

anyways, just a few thoughts of randomness of these few busy, emotinal, tiring last days in Guadalajara.

one book closes and yet another book opens

i carry your heart with me
by: e. e. cummings
i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,
my darling
i fear no fate
for you are my fate,
my sweet i want no world
for beautiful you are my world,
my true and it's you are whatever a moon has always meantand whatever a sun will always sing is youhere is the deepest secret nobody knowshere is the root of the root and the bud of the budand the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hideand this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart



Things here in Guadalajara have been winding down. With only 10 days left, I am begining to feel it all set in. I love it here. I love the people. I love my fellow "gringos" probably as much as i will ever love a group of people. living with people day in and day out, eating with them, sleeping in the same house as they do, spending all of your days together, having funny stores and inside jokes together, then leaving.... its just not natural. its not natural to allow people to enter your life and forever be embedded into your heart, then to be able to leave them behind, probably never to see them again.

Ive been crying since Saturday. Well, off and on. I think with the stress of finals, being so tired i think i am going to overdose on coffee, then attempting to walk away from these people that i love so dearly....its working on me. and so, i have yet to go a day without a full on cry. Each and every day i come up with a new "this is the last time..." This is the last time Ill go to church with Angela, this is the last week I will go to the office (even as much as I HATE going to the office two days a week), tomorrow is possibly the LAST time i will go to San Juan. They are all lasts.

And with lasts, comes first. I mean, soemthing has to happen after you say your lasts? Right? Even after one has their LAST breath, they will continue in eternity. Wherever that may be. So, why are LASTS so hard? Stinkin emotions. Anyways, if someone can answer that for me, I will be grateful. I hope to see all of these people again, my life will never be the same without them in it so some degree. Although we will never be here again, in this moment, in this city, all together like we have been since September, at least I hope to keep them around. Ive kinda gotten used to them!





"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart."-Anon

a new chapter...

¡Hola todos!

I apologize for my lack in update letters the last few months. Things have been crazy here. Between school, ministry, and spring break, its a lot different this semester than the last. Challenging, but nonetheless, fulfilling. The last 8 months have been amazing. Probably the best eight months of my entire life. I have seen God do amazing things in and through me. God has matured me, healed me, strengthened me, and taught me so much. Words can not describe how amazing this experience has been and how wonderful God has been to me.
On May 4 this chapter of my life will close. I will be leaving Guadalajara and returning to the states. I will be visiting with my family until May 24th, when I will be packing up a U-Haul and moving everything I own to Huntsville, Texas - home to Sam Houston State University. In July I will begin school at SHSU, studying photography. I am super excited about the path God is leading me down and without a doubt, I know he is leading me. I’m 24 years old. It’s about time that I finish college!

I visited SHSU at the end of March. That place has been an answer to my prayers. From me being welcomed with open arms by every single person I have met, to me finding roommates the first two days that I was there and falling in love with them. So many doors have been opened for me. From jobs, to encouragement, to confirmation, to guidance by people I already adore and respect.

Although I will miss Guadalajara and everyone in it more than words can describe, I know its time for me to move on. The next chapter in my life is about to begin. I’m so excited to see what God has in store and what’s to come! Please pray for me as I make these changes. That God will continue to open doors and that I will continue to know which ones to walk through! I thank each of you so much for all that you have given me. For all of the financial support as well as the prayers that have been lifted up for me each and every day. I could not have done it without you. Please continue to keep me in touch with me. I will still be away from home and I will still be a “missionary” to a campus of 16,000 college students.


Also, please continue to keep the ENGAGE program in your prayers. These students have accepted a huge challenge to minister to the city of Guadalajara, a city with more than 11 million people and only 2% of those people being evangelical Christians. These students have taken a huge step of faith by moving their entire lives here, and they are being stretched each and every day to new levels. God is also using them amazingly to reach this city like never before! A few things to pray about for them:

financial support- that people would continue to be faithful in their pledges and they would continue to be able to financially stay in Mexico

A new property- the leases are up on the two houses that the program rents currently. By the fall semester, they are hoping to have new housing hopefully with “dorm style” buildings. Pray for the finances of this situation, as well as wisdom for Steve and Amy as they make these decisions.

For the students- just as I said above, these students are away from home. Away from their families, and homesick. They are very courageous in what they do. I admire so many of them for the smiles they constantly have on their faces and the knowledge they posses because they know God has called them here and He is going to use them in mighty ways.

For the ministries- ENGAGE has begun some new ministries recently and is in the process of getting involved as well as starting some others. Pray that the right doors would be opened and that the leaders would know which ones to walk through and which ones to close.
Thank all of you for your prayers and support. God bless you and keep in touch!